Coffee and Cigaretts

I gave up coffee and cigarettes
I hate to say it hasn�t helped me yet
I thought my problems would just dissipate
And all my pain would be in yesterday

I poured my booze all down the kitchen drain
And watched my bad habits get flushed away
I thought that that would keep my head on straight
And all my pain would be in yesterday

But it�s true
I�m still blue
But I finally know what to do
I must quit, I must quit, you

I thought that if I didn�t go and play
The sadness would get bored and go away
I thought that if I didn�t go astray
That all my pain would be in yesterday

But it�s true
I�m still blue
But I finally know what to do
I must quit, I must quit, you

I sold my guitar and my piano
I thought that it was these that kept me low
I thought if only I could try and change
That all my pain would be in yesterday

But it�s true
I�m still blue
But I finally know what to do
I must quit, I must quit, you

I must quit, I must quit, you

Letters I never sent

I have found a way to move on with my life. Fairytales sometimes don’t exist and i now know that, thanks to what happened with me and you. I was a naive 22 yr old with misconstrued visions of how i wanted my life to turn out. I still feel like i felt too much for the both of us and your heart just wasn’t in it as mine was. I am telling you now that i can no longer be that person for you, I can not hold onto “us” for the both of us! I have a lot of good in my life and i am not willing to let any of that go. I have worked hard to put me and you high upon a shelf in the back of my mind, and imp not going to relive the way you made me feel ever again! i appreciate your apologies along with your realizations of me, but I’m ok without them now. As i said before i wish you the best in life and hope you do the same for me. One day when we are old and grey maybe we can look back on a romance that was shared beneath the stars of a big big world, one of which was waiting for us to conquor.  i will look at my life and look back on my memories and smile. Thank you for the fleeting moments of happiness we once shared, and for the ability to learn to get past a true heart wrenching break.

Bits and Pieces…

I want to be with someone who makes me be the best version of myself always. Not the version of me that some people get. I want to be with someone who makes me want to be a better person, someone who I am better when I am with.

Close your eyes… now picture this: picture your idea of a perfect love; you know the one you have dreamt about your entire life, the “fairy tale”…. Picture it, now hold onto that vision. Open your eyes: can you see it??

With a fairytale it is all in the eyes of the beholder, because truthfully there is nothing that defies rational thought. People are supposed to be who they are and not who we think they are or who they can become. There is no immortality and no real life fantasy worlds among us. We can not hope for the fairytale and be disappointed when we get a different kind of fairytale.

Mas bits and pieces…

When I walk outside and the sun hits my face, I can smell the leaves of the fall, I sit very still for just a moment to take it all in and I can smell all the smells of the fast pace city. I have my purse my walking shoes on and I’m out the door to the beautiful streets with a smile on my face.

I don’t feel anxious. Only happiness the air is crisp yet still warm, fall is my favorite time of year.

Bits and Pieces

over the next little while I will be posting bits and pieces of a collection of my writings that I one day hope to get all down into a book form. This is very hard for me to do, putting my work out there in the public… but here it goes.

I am writing this because it is what I know I love to do.

I have been writing my whole life and I have a deep passion for it.

Sometimes out of great fear I get rid of what I have written. I finally decided I need to put it all down. For myself, and for my future. A doctor told me once to rid myself of anxiety I need to sit down and write a list of issues. SO this is what I am doing, getting it all out for me.

 My mom:

Have you ever looked at someone and knew they were made for you. Cut from the same cloth. She is the most amazing strong beautiful women I have ever met. She feels things so deep down to her core and she still continues to give all she has to everyone around her.

 

My dad:

There is no sacrifice to large he is not willing to walk through. He is a rock in the deep vast ocean, and i am only just a wave lucky enough to splash up against him, hoping to make an ever lasting impression on the shape that makes the wonderful man who is my father.

more to come…………

Rain

My one song for today will be:

1. Rain- By Patty Griffin

*Note: it never rains when you want it to*

As I smile.. sometimes this is what is behind

Love this song and the lyrics hold true to myself

It’s hard to listen to a hard hard heart
Beating close to mine
Pounding up against the stone and steel
Walls that I won’t climb
Sometimes a hurt is so deep deep deep
You think that you’re gonna drown
Sometimes all I can do is weep weep weep
With all this rain falling down

Strange how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
When I’m holding on underneath this shroud
Rain

Its hard to know when to give up the fight
Two things you want will just never be right
Its never rained like it has to night before
Now I don’t wanna beg you baby
For something maybe you could never give
I’m not looking for the rest of your life
I just want another chance to live

Strange how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
When I’m holding on underneath this shroud
Rain

Strange how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
When I’m holding on underneath this shroud
Rain

Strange how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
When I’m still alive underneath this shroud
Rain Rain Rain

Patty Griffin- RAIN